That Time of the Month
by DixonVixen93
Summary: Season Four AU: The men in the prison are walking on pins and needles over their female counterparts mood swings. Glenn wants to make sure he and Maggie will be happy for their wedding. Rick is just as gullible. Daryl and Merle just sit back and watch the chaos unravel. Glenn/Maggie, Rick/Amy, Daryl/Carol and Merle/Michonne.


**Here's a new story that I've been thinking about doing for a while. Not many people do humorous fics on here, but I thought what the heck? I've written a few, what's another gonna hurt? **

**I don't own The Walking Dead. I guess you could consider this a season four AU. No Governor, and Merle survived. And, apparently so did Amy. **

_**That Time of the Month**_

No one in the prison carried a calendar on hand anymore. It just wasn't something that was very important. Okay, well, the guys thought that it was important. They were getting damn tired of _that_ time of the month sneaking up on them. The girls attacked them for no reason, and they never knew when it would come, or when it would go. Walkers were one thing, but this was just… _scary_.

Glenn had been the first to crack. He had dealt with Maggie's mood swings a one too many times since they had met. Hell, he had even seen the other girls' mood swings, but it had finally taken its final toll. He and Maggie had come back from a recent supply run, with the Korean sporting a red handprint on his cheek. Apparently, he had said something none too appeasing to the farmer's daughter, and his new battle wound was proof of that.

Rick saw him walking away, and had to stop him to make sure that he hadn't gotten scratched or bitten while out on the run.

"What's that red mark on your face?" he asked Glenn, who tried to flinch away.

"It was Maggie," the Korean survivor answered sheepishly. The former deputy just stared on. "I don't know why she did it; she won't tell me why…"

Rick tried to think about how the other girls had been acting lately. Come to think of it, Amy had pitched that empty can of corn-beef hash at him. He was still trying to figure out what he had done to make her that angry.

"I—I think it's that time of month again," Glenn began, shrugging. "Maggie was really moody on the way to the shop, and then she ended up slapping me for no good reason!"

And then it hit Rick. That was why Amy had been so irritated with him. Well, that was a relief. Sort of.

"Has Amy been real ticked off at you?" the former pizza-delivery boy asked, generally curious. "Normally, when one's on the rag, they're _all_ on the rag."

"Yeah, yes she has," the older man replied, running a hand through his curly hair.

"You think we should warn the other guys—" Glenn began, only to be interrupted by a loud _CRASH_, and some yelling. Both men hurried to see what was up. What they came in on, though, was Merle getting his own piece of medicine. The loud crash was him getting knocked back into a table. He hadn't even _done_ anything, dammit!

Rick's eyes began to widen as he noticed that Michonne had her katana in hand. God knew what Merle had done, but she certainly wasn't playing.

The redneck scrambled to his feet and was up in his woman's face the next moment. "Woman, you best calm yerself down. What, I can't even touch ya when you're on your fuckin' period?"

Glenn and Rick just shared a look. This wasn't gonna end well. The former didn't really care if Merle got his ass handed to him, in fact he was kind of looking forward to seeing where this was going.

Apparently, Merle had come up to Michonne from behind and tried to wrap his good arm around her. He was sent flying backwards, and came face-to-face with his girlfriend's bladed weapon.

The dark-skinned survivor just glared at him and put her katana down. Merle didn't act like it, but on the inside he was sighing in relief. When she left the room, the redneck turned to the other men and laughed.

"What are you laughing at?" Glenn asked. "Michonne just threw you into a table. Isn't that the slightest bit degrading?"

Merle just laughed again, baring his yellowing teeth. "Son, it ain't like she don't do that every month. Ya gotta be patient, but ya ain't gotta take their shit, neither."

"I never really know when Amy's gonna blow," Rick admitted. "And I just back away when she does."

"Officer Friendly, yer too kind. Ya gotta blow up right back at 'em," the redneck told the former deputy. "Know when ta expect it, it makes it a li'l easier."

"How do you _know_ when to expect it?" Glenn asked, sitting back on his heels. He could tell that this was going to be interesting.

Merle quirked an eyebrow. "Sonny boy, you don't know much about yer woman, do you?"

Glenn clenched a fist, but refused to say anything. Rick watched the two of them to make sure that things weren't going to start getting ugly.

"What I'm sayin' is that, iffen ya know yer woman inside an' out, it's easy to tell," the redneck clucked his tongue, another laugh rolling off of it a moment later. "If ya know her well enough, you'll know when her body starts that shit again. The tits start swellin', and well—"

The Korean survivor looked baffled, stopping Merle before he could go any further. "That's more about your sex life then I'll _ever_ need to know."

"Oh, come on. At least I know when to expect my woman bein' in a fuckin' pissy mood," Merle explained, glancing between both survivors. "She gets mad, I get mad right back. That's jus' us. Shit," the redneck paused, a smug grin etching across his rugged features, "normally make up afterward, anyways, if ya know what I mean."

Rick was the one to stop him this time. "Okay, Merle, you've made your point. Why don't you just," the former deputy gestured towards the cellblock, "go find Michonne."

"Already gone," Merle ducked out of the common room, in the attempts to find his irate girlfriend. He was so damn smug, it wasn't a wonder why _she _blew up. The other survivors, Daryl excluded, wondered just what made those two so good together.

Glenn just shook his head and froze when he saw Maggie again, going up to the catwalk to check on Judith. This was going to be a _long_ week.

o—o—o

Daryl was loading his crossbow when Rick and Glenn came up to him. The younger Dixon peered up at them with slanted blue eyes. "What's up?" he paused for a minute, "Carol okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine," Rick answered, "listen, me an' Glenn were wonderin' if you had noticed somethin'… weird goin' on with the girls."

Daryl snorted softly. "Well yeah, it's pretty obvious what's goin' wit' 'em."

"Exactly. But it isn't very fair to us, is it?" Glenn began, glancing between his two best friends. "We should keep a calendar for this kinda stuff."

"You don't expect them to fill it out themselves, do ya?" the younger redneck asked. He was real lucky, all things considered. Carol never got moody much. She usually kept to herself, occasionally getting a little snappy.

"I don't care. I'll fill it out myself. I just can't stand Maggie being upset with me. If we're going to get married. I'll have to know eventually, right?" the former pizza-delivery boy piped up.

"Carol ain't got a temper like the other girls, but I still got the right sense to know when and to when not mess wit' 'er," Daryl explained.

"But the temper comes out of left field, is what I think Glenn is tryin' to get at here," Rick elaborated, which the youngest man agreed with completely.

"She snaps once an' ya leave 'er alone. What's wrong with that?" the redneck asked. Obviously, he just didn't understand what Glenn was getting at.

"I don't want her snapping at me. Things are going better now. A lot better," the Korean survivor paused, breathing deeply, "I just don't want that to stop."

"Okay, so we'll make a calendar. Put little dots on it when they start gettin' moody, right?" Rick started, looking at his friends for approval.

"Sounds good," Glenn acquiesced. "We can let the other guys in on the secret and they can help us."

It appeared that all was settled. Rick, Glenn, Daryl, Merle, even Hershel would mark on the calendar, in hopes of clearing up this whole issue. Of course, this was before they realized how the _women_ of the group would feel about this.

o—o—o

Amy had been in a particularly sweet mood all day, all except the one time that she had snapped at her boyfriend for hovering over her too much. When Rick went to record that little dot on the calendar, he made sure that his girlfriend was nowhere in sight. Unfortunately, though, he hadn't looked _that_ well.

The blonde came up behind Rick to see what he was doing. She watched him as he marked on today's date, which already had other dots alongside it.

"Rick, what are you doing?"

Rick froze for a moment, trying to think his way around this. "Just… markin' something on the calendar."

"The calendar…? I didn't even know we had a calendar anymore—" There wasn't a need to carry one, was there? Amy pondered this thought for a few seconds. She shooed her boyfriend out of the way and flipped to the previous month, studying that the dots were on the same five days as last month.

Rick had tried to tiptoe out of the room, to no avail. Amy glared a hole into the back of his skull as she let the calendar fall back to this current month.

"What in the _hell_… are you monitoring our periods, or something?" the blonde asked, her blood boiling in annoyance. "Why do you need to do that? Surely, ya'll aren't hoping that we all get pregnant at the same time, right?"

"No!" Rick began defensively. "We just like a little… warning is all." He took in a deep breath of air. They were all doomed.

"A little warning for…?" Amy wondered aloud, crossing her arms. "And this better be a damn good explanation."

"Yeah… umm, ask Glenn," the former deputy sputtered. He quickly kissed his girlfriend's temple and hurried out of the room.

Said Korean survivor was minding his own business when Amy came into his and Maggie's cell. They were sitting on their bed, talking about what their real wedding would have been like, if it hadn't been for the apocalypse.

Glenn looked up to see Amy, who looked _really_ miffed. "Amy, what're you doing?" he asked nervously.

"Rick says that this calendar stuff is _your_ dumb idea?" the blonde huffed when he didn't answer right away.

Maggie pulled away from Glenn, glancing at him strangely. "What kinda calendar you keepin' in the damn zombie apocalypse…?"

"One to keep our damn cycles in check. I have no idea how friggen long this has been goin' on for!" Amy glared at the former pizza-delivery boy.

"Are we too moody for you, Glenn?" Maggie asked, her ire growing by the second. "Because we can be worse, believe me!"

"See, this is why we wanted the calendar in the first place, so we know _when_ you guys are more liable to… _fuss_ at us—" Glenn clamped his mouth shut as soon as that left his mouth. God, how could he _not_ put his foot in his mouth at this point? He watched as Maggie got up from their bed and hooked her arm with Amy's.

"C'mon, Aimes, the boys don't want us fussing at 'em? Well, we jus' won't talk to 'em at all," the farmer's daughter began, leading the older girl out of the cell. And, in fact, they didn't talk to their men at all for the next few hours. Only Merle and Daryl were exempt from this torture.

Michonne knew that her boyfriend knew better than to have to use a calendar. If he had a problem with her mood swings, she'd be the first to know about it. Those two might fight a lot, but at least they're honest with one another. And as for Carol and Daryl, it just really didn't matter between the two of them. Daryl was devoted to Carol, and her mood swings didn't affect him. He'd let it bounce right off of his shoulder. Something his counterparts failed to do, apparently. They were all too busy worrying about what their significant others thought of them.

During dinner that night, everyone was quiet. Amy, Maggie and Beth sat on one side of the table, completely ignoring the other side of the table. The youngest Greene child didn't have a reason to be mad, and she wasn't, but her older sister had bullied her into sitting with Amy and her.

It took Merle, of all people, to break the silence. He was sitting next to Michonne, shoveling his food at a quick pace. "So, are ya'll done with that dumb ass calendar?" The elder redneck had flat out refused to use the calendar. He knew his woman, and that was all that mattered.

"Yes," Glenn replied after a long pause. He glanced at his fiancé, who he shared a warm look with. "Look, I thought that it would be better to know, but I guess it's not."

"Just don't document us," Amy piped up, stabbing her food zealously. "It makes us seem like wild animals in captivity or somethin'…"

"We just want you girls happy," Rick began, his eyes boring on his girlfriend's. They shared a quick smile, and Amy actually thought about forgiving him.

"Yeah, forget they were bein' dumbasses. They just wanted the girls happy," Merle murmured to his girlfriend, who just glared at him. "What? Sweetheart, ya know it's the truth."

"Merle, jus' shut the fuck up an' eat," Daryl told his older brother.

"Darylina's havin' his man rag!" the older Dixon teased. "Better go mark it on the calendar, huh?"

"Merle," Michonne whispered, catching his eyes with hers. He just sighed and dug back in his food. Killjoys. All of them.

**Ha, so hope ya'll enjoyed! Reviews are loved!**


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